Okay, so I've given up the notion that this blog will be a weekday gig. There's really no way, at this point, that, even between the two of us, Ed & I can post everyday Monday thru Friday. I find the only time the blogging spirit moves at the same time I have time to be moved to the keyboard is on the weekends. It's now 11:4o and I'm having trouble seeing after correlating a second grade math book to Texas standards. But, I know Ed's getting up with Jack in the morning, so I have 20 minutes that would usually be devoted to sleep.
I've been reminded of the real struggle of the working mother: cramming 40 hours of work into 15. No matter how hard I try to tell myself that I do decent, if not good, work, in such a short amount of time (I mean, I wouldn't get hired again for contract work if I didn't, right?) - my body and mind still cling to the notion that I can spend the extra time reviewing the work and revising assignments to make sure they are PERFECT. Uh-uh. Not gonna happen. Maybe when Jack is in college. But by then, I'll be waking up at 6:30 and be so damn organized and efficient that I'll wonder why I didn't write the great american novel when we had "all that free time" in Boston. It's like thinking about Bellingham: What in the hell did we do in grad school? Did I really spend ALL of my time either sleeping or studying? Yup. Well, that, and worrying about the work. IF anything, having too much to do keeps the worrying to a minimum. For example, we have $400 in the bank and about $1800 of bills due in a few days (not to mention our $1000 irs bill due in a few months). I should be getting one of my invoices from a freelance gig last month - but who knows. I'm sure the accounts payable gal already thinks I have gambling debts because of all the times I've called to see when the next check is coming. Come to think of it, I guess we DO have gambling debts - we've racked up the credit card and student loan bills, betting that we will indeed have some payoff for the hard work of following our guts/dreams.
While waiting to see how our dice will fall, I did move a little bit more into the 21st century today. I signed up for instant messanger. I've never been a fan; I've always thought of instant messaging like popping in unannounced at someone's door - and unless I absolutely love you and have nothing to do that day, I'm going to be annoyed. And, because I do 95% of my work on the computer, to have some message popup only takes away every precious 5 mintues I grab to type up part of an assignment or answer "regular" email before Jack comes over and tugs at my hand. Anyway, I signed up for the personal radio station. I gotta tell you, it's awesome. I chose the artists I like and within the first hour I heard Depeche Mode circa 1983, Massive Attack and Muddy Waters. Oh, and some Everything But the Girl from 1991. The tunes helped to get me through two hours of correlating. I have this fantasy of developing the ultimate "Laura" CD - you know, the top 50 songs of my life - of which 40 I'm pretty sure I haven't discovered yet. But like searching fashion, who has time to develop their music tastes? SO, thank you, Yahoo instant music for taking me one step closer to realizing my music dreams. I know we need to get an IPOD to make it all even easier, but we spent that money on a new t.v. last month.
Okay, bedtime. Besides, for some reason, Meatloaf is playing. Definitely time to sign off.