Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Should I be the one to say?

There's a message on the phone from the infamous Dr. T. He says he has good news for Ed. I should let Ed write out all the details. Ed's out with all his teacher peeps celebrating the last day of school and their friendship. I'm home waiting for him to call to let him know that he'll be getting up with Jack tomorrow morning since I'm still sick (so it would be wise to come home relatively early and sober).

Basically, though, I think it is safe to say that the fellowship has been locked in and now the real work begins. Time to lock in the broker, a job, and think about day cares and how to deal with Max and Mia..

It's also time to do some Seattle site-seeing (funny how we rarely visit the touristy places where we live). Next week it's the Seattle Aquarium (Jack will love it) and after that, the zoo. Last week I wanted to ride to the top of the Space Needle, but didn't want to part with the $10 it took to just ride an elevator. We'll see. If anyone has any "Seattle must-sees or must dos" please let use know (for either the entire family or just Ed & I).

Ed, you can talk more about Dr. Sue and the Fellowship (as a friend of ours wrote, sounds like a band) when you get the chance.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Up On The Diving Board

It's been awhile since I've posted. Been in some sort of a shame-spiral over the whole Fellowship business...almost as if well, I can't blog if I don't know anything new about sense in hanging my head though. In the words of Seinfeld's George Constanza, "I'm back baby!!"

Still no final thumbs-up or thumbs down on the Fellowship. I did actually talk with Dr. T. yesterday about it. Finally called him at his office, he picked up. Said to call him on Monday if I hadn't heard by then. He also let me know that my advisor (Dr. Z.) at the university has been saying nice things about, who knows.

Uncertainity. Doesn't it suck? It's been almost paralyzing for Laura and I. There's a saying, "Commitment is that feeling you get once you've lept from the diving board." I've felt like we've been up on the board, waiting to jump...all the while the board is bobbing up and down.

Seniors last today at school. Even after 6 years of seeing seniors come and go, I never grow tired of watching them in their last week. There's definately a feeling of excitement laced with a bit of anxiety. What will summer, and then, college, bring? You hear all your life that this is it: your first big step in what is called the real world. You ask, what is this real world all about? What is this new life that I’m about to enter?

I've come to think this: Life is not college. It’s not high school either.

Life is junior high.

The world those seniors are about to enter is filled with junior high adolescent pettiness, pubescent rivalries, the insecurities of 13-year-olds and the false bravado of 14-year-olds. Fourteen years from my high school graduation, I still make silly mistakes; I still have temper tantrums; my feelings will be hurt for some trivial slight; still say some dumb things; I lose your car keys from time to time; and wonder at least once a week, “Will I ever grow up?”

So maybe Life's always a work in progress. Maybe uncertainity is the price of admission. Once we learn to live with it, we can finally start to live.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Forced to Live in the Moment

I just finished grading this month's batch of online SAT's and completed the grades for my online writing course at Edmonds CC. I must say, I am a bit sad reading that- I've spent the last two years in Seattle teaching at Edmonds and North Seattle Community College and have really enjoyed it. What a luxury to love your job. Funny how understanding this makes it that much harder and easier to move with Ed to Boston.

Anyway, I now have all this "freetime" so to speak. Jack sleeps about two/two and half hours during the day, leaving me at least and hour and a half to devote to pure job search and a few hours at night. I've sent off a handful of resumes and cover letters to various Boston community colleges, hoping against hope that the low enrollment affecting the job search in the Northwest isn't plaguing the Northeast. I haven't heard back, but a good friend of mine in New York said he didn't find adjunct positions until near August when he started looking right after graduate school. I've started looking into private schools as an option, as well. And while they don't afford the same flexibility as the college level, they do offer health coverage and job security- something we can definitely afford.

Word is we should hear about the fellowship by Monday. Part of me wants to DO NOTHING until then (and by nothing, I mean watch movies, walk Alki at night, sit on our deck and watch the sunset) for fear of counting those damn chickens before they are hatched. Of course, I probably should be acting as if everything is still a-go and that we will find the way to get Ed into BU and the family residing in Boston; losing that momentum might be too damaging. The great thing about this blog is I can do a bit of both: writing about our journey towards grad school (and towards so much else) while really not doing much of anything to get there.

I'm also hoping that since tomorrow is the seniors' last day at Kentwood HS, Ed will have some energy to devote to the blog. I need his witty, succinct writing to balance out my predominately reflective, serious tone.


Sunday, June 05, 2005


I drove home last night from my parents writing an imaginary letter to the guy in Boston who is deciding our fate. Ed spend last weekend writing an essay about teaching and sent it off to the person who is filling the last few available fellowship spots at BU. If Ed does get the fellowship, he gets a chunck of change subtracted from his tuition, thus allowing him to afford the school. He would basically be a TA for some education courses (I think) - and be working about 20 hours a week in the education department, where, I'm hoping, he'll learn to transfer what he liked about teaching into his (sports) counseling pscyhology program. If he doesn't get the fellowship, it is on to plan B.

My mom asked me what plan B is. Plan B became my imaginary letter to Mr. Jump through these hoops man. (We've heard many versions of "you'll get the fellowship" or "there's scholarships- you'll see" or "no problem," but are now wondering the validity of such assurances). I want to write him and remind him that we are essentially waiting to hear in order to secure a place to live, movers, and for me to clinch a job (yeah, waiting to start a new life- no big deal). Most of this would probably involve another trip to Boston, an expensive trip that I'd just assume make when we know for sure that we can afford the school. And though we are waiting quietly, we are waiting desperately--pretty much trying not to think that our fate rests on this one decision. But, it does. I think that's why I get so frustrated- sometimes these academic folk forget (or relish) how much power they hold over others' lives. And, the unspoken rule is that everyday, emotional life holds little sway in acadamia. That kind of pathos is frowned upon. Damn ivory tower.

Anyway, Ed's in Las Vegas with some friends, working hard to not think about all of this (what a distraction!) and I'm here in Seattle trying to hang out with my family as much as possible. Oh, and catch up on those essays that need grading (compassionately).