Today is the seven month "eve"-- May 7. Today also marks the birthday of my nephew, the son of Ed's best friend and younger brother. May happens to also be the seven year anniversary of this blog. It is also the day I interviewed for the permanent position of the job I'm currently working in an interim capacity. Add to this list the marking of five years at my current place of employment: the longest I've worked anywhere in my life.
I'm tired. Exhausted.
Last night I was up late thinking through the interview, working very hard to ignore the following:
- My partner, who has been my biggest cheerleader and most honest critic, wasn't there to practice interviews strategies
- This was my first major life step since Ed's death- a life step I would have never come to without him
- Death is a massive "restart" button and I'm in the process of rebooting and have only a very vague sketch of who I am and what this life looks like- hardly the best foundation for convincing a panel I'm a great fit (how do I know I fit if I'm not even sure of who I am?)
When I was putting Jack to bed tonight he asked how my interview went and how I thought I did. I told him I did as well as I could, which was all I could do. I then channeled Ed, who is so much a part of who I am, and calmly let Jack know that whatever happens we'd be good. We're good, if oh, so tired.