Thursday, June 16, 2005

Up On The Diving Board

It's been awhile since I've posted. Been in some sort of a shame-spiral over the whole Fellowship business...almost as if well, I can't blog if I don't know anything new about sense in hanging my head though. In the words of Seinfeld's George Constanza, "I'm back baby!!"

Still no final thumbs-up or thumbs down on the Fellowship. I did actually talk with Dr. T. yesterday about it. Finally called him at his office, he picked up. Said to call him on Monday if I hadn't heard by then. He also let me know that my advisor (Dr. Z.) at the university has been saying nice things about, who knows.

Uncertainity. Doesn't it suck? It's been almost paralyzing for Laura and I. There's a saying, "Commitment is that feeling you get once you've lept from the diving board." I've felt like we've been up on the board, waiting to jump...all the while the board is bobbing up and down.

Seniors last today at school. Even after 6 years of seeing seniors come and go, I never grow tired of watching them in their last week. There's definately a feeling of excitement laced with a bit of anxiety. What will summer, and then, college, bring? You hear all your life that this is it: your first big step in what is called the real world. You ask, what is this real world all about? What is this new life that I’m about to enter?

I've come to think this: Life is not college. It’s not high school either.

Life is junior high.

The world those seniors are about to enter is filled with junior high adolescent pettiness, pubescent rivalries, the insecurities of 13-year-olds and the false bravado of 14-year-olds. Fourteen years from my high school graduation, I still make silly mistakes; I still have temper tantrums; my feelings will be hurt for some trivial slight; still say some dumb things; I lose your car keys from time to time; and wonder at least once a week, “Will I ever grow up?”

So maybe Life's always a work in progress. Maybe uncertainity is the price of admission. Once we learn to live with it, we can finally start to live.

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