Monday, August 15, 2005

Moving Pains

The great thing about a blog is that it is like a letter- you can write something and send it off. I'd really like to send off the last few days of moving "stuff." So, in the spirit of letting it all go, here's what's been going on:

Last night I stayed up until at least 1:00 a.m. trying to decide which, if not all classes that I should teach. I've been offered five different courses at three different community colleges. While I am more than grateful that I've been able to choose from this many, the reality is that I probably need to teach all five in otfer to pay our bills (that is with Ed's assistanship). The other reality is that I've only EVER taught three classes at the most, two of which were the same prep, and at never more than two colleges. Plus, here in Washington State, I get paid at least $1000 more per class spread out over three months; in Boston, that $1000 less a class is spread over four months. So, basically, I'd be working nearly double to make barely as much. In the end, I decided to take three courses at Middlesex Community College and one at MassBay CC. We're still short a few hundred a month, but this way, I'll be more likely to keep my sanity (no promises) and be able to be with Jack most of the day Tuesday and Thursday, thus saving some (not much) on childcare.

Speaking of Jack, he's decided to forego day sleeping. Once a solid two-nap a day kind of kid, Jack is now barely taking one nap. Could he be feeling my stress? Maybe he's just growing out of his two day nap stage. That's fine. I'm more worried about the fact that the house we are moving to (the first floor of a duplex- the owners with their four girls, age newborn to early teens I think, live on the second flood) is basically under some construction. Apparently, they had intended on having the vinyl siding replaced by now, but the contractor skipped town. So, once we move, Jack will have to try and fall asleep to consistent hammering. Right now he wakes up when he hears a familiar voice talking - usually me on the phone trying to line up a class or find a decent nanny.

As if the hammering weren't bad enough; we talked with our moving company today and we'll be lucky if we see our furniture and stuff by the 22nd. It's guaranteed by the 25th (whatever "guarantee" means) - nearly a full week after Jack and I arrive in Boston. I'm glad we packed the pack-in-play in the car; now we just need to buy one of those aero beds and a bean bag or two so that we can wait in some comfort for all our stuff to arrive.

I spent much of the morning and early afternoon today mentally bucking up. After talking with Ed, who has successfully stayed on schedule and arrived at his brother's in South Bend, IN (despite smuggling our cat, Max, into a Days Inn last night), I tried to focus on the positive: all of the moving pains actually make my cross country flight with Mia (our other cat) and Jack seem somewhat relaxing; my mom will be able to get a special pass to help me with Mia, Jack, car seat, and carry on onto the plane (what a comedy of errors that could have been); I am having to turn away jobs at this point rather than try and find work; and I realized that all of this "Stuff" is part of the sacrifice of working towards what feels right- not what is comfortable, but what is significantly soulful (at least that's the idea right now anyway). Oh, and Ed & I are still together, our devotion established and our love steady and real and Jack has two parents who are committed to reinforcing their love for him.

Last night I read some quote about how all our basic needs-love, food, security-inform one another. So, the quote said, if we are hungry, we also want some love (aha! comfort food). All I could think of was how Ed, Jack , and I are frazzled because we are missing the security part. That is, if you count "security" as having a home, which I, and I imagine, most others do. I had to rethink my definition of security a bit. Maybe it's better to have a homebase- not necesarily a familiar bed, toys, and material surroundings, but a emotional homebase. I feel like I'm moving towards clicheville, but I'm living the reality of having to rely ONLY on the love and support of family and my faith to feel secure - a security that in only a few days will be basically me, Ed, Jack, an aero bed and a pack-in-play. Oh, and our two cats. Maybe it's a good thing; we'll appreciate getting settled (whatever that means) more- and maybe won't need as much to feel "settled." I just keep thinking we aren't the only ones to have gone through all of this- and I'm sure otheres have suffered worse moving pains than ours. While I am still attempting to live in the present, I've got my eyes firmly looking towards Christmas. If we can get to the holiday without raking up a ton of debt or having too many transition breakdowns, I 'm sure we'll be fine. Maybe my standards are too high; I'd be happy to just wake up Christmas morning with Jack and Ed and a small tree.


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