Lent started earlier this week: one day before Valentine's Day, actually. Jack made a point to NOT give up candy because he knew Valentine's Day would be that much harder. I reminded him that we get Sundays off - a loophole we discovered last year. Since Lent is technically 40 days, those six weeks before Easter include 7 extra (Sun)days. We count those as freebies to indulge in whatever we gave up. He decided to give up his new Xbox instead (which, by the way, he hardly plays with).
I gave up Facebook for Lent. I think it's brilliant- and, I can say that because it wasn't my idea (came from a friend also giving it up). I gave it a trial run a few days before Ash Wednesday; I turned off my chat and hid the notifications page. I then uninstalled the app on my phone. I must admit, there was a strange relief. I lurked for a day or two, but by Friday, hadn't really missed it. It was becoming more distraction than connection with others. I am not disparaging the social media; in fact, it was my lifeblood of connection with the support of so many people those first few months after Ed died. Then, it became an opportunity to find my way into a new normal- fewer of my posts were a reminder of our tragedy and more about plain ol' everyday life.
But, then, plain ol' everyday life just can't stay put. We were robbed Friday and among the stolen were the new Xbox (which was hardly played), my wedding ring (which was broken) and Ed's wedding ring. I'm sad, of course, but I am mostly upset about the loss of my Ipod nanos, one of which had a ton of pictures from Boston and when Reese was a baby that I couldn't figure out how to download after the computer crashed with the old Itunes. All my jewelry is gone, save my necklaces and one pair of earrings I was wearing (part of a necklace/earring set Ed had given me, so that's something). The worst part, of course, is that Jack's security has been rocked- again.
I posted about the robbery on Facebook. I used my "free Sunday" on a Friday. It was an automatic reflex. Immediately, I received a ton of response and remembered the value of my Facebook community. The West Seattle Blog picked up the story which was picked up by the local media. I was interviewed Saturday and on the news that night (thank goodness for anonymity; those garden clogs could have been a story by themselves).
By Saturday night, though, I was done. I am ready to no longer be the standard by which others might compare their own tragedy. Not that folks are doing that, but to read a sampling of my Facebook posts over the last year and a half is just plain pitiful.
So, I'm declaring a reboot of 2013. I'm just plain bored with all the crap: from sickness to surgery (more later) and sadness to stealing. I'm declaring enough. Don't get me wrong- I'm not expecting it all to come up roses and easy living- I just don't have time to react anymore. And, honestly, the extent of "tragedy" is misrepresented for how much it actually impacts our daily life. Roughly 80-85% of our life is good, secure, and positive (aka those boring Facebook posts). I've reached my limit for grief. It's actually nice; I woke up this morning well rested. What a lovely surprise to realize that I only have so much capacity to feel bad.