Sunday, June 03, 2012

For the Record

For the record, it only took one glass of wine to write the earnest money check for the house. I went to write the check and couldn't. I did need some liquid courage. If for no other reason than I couldn't face the first big step to securing a home of our own- our one place- alone. But, it only took one glass.

For the record, I interviewed with the President and VP of the college on Friday. The one that would make this interim position permanent. (Oh, interim. I am so intimate with interim. In between. Ctrl+Alt+Delete. Reboot.) All I can hear is Ed's voice on the phone when I was so anxious about interviewing for the interim position. The week before. He was so calm, collecting my nerves like butterflies in a net, keeping me safe and free all at once.

For the record, I'm listening to Morrissey while I type. And I hate Morrissey. But, Ed loved him/the band (I don't even know). It will probably be the only time I listen to a full song.

For the record, the 10th anniversary of the Ballard pub crawl is this Friday and there's a chance that Jack's baseball team will be in the championship on Saturday morning. Remember the summer of 2007? We were in Boston and had found a house with that tiny second "bedroom" off the main bedroom? We also found a place to stay for summer in the apartment of that musician and his family while they were in Europe on tour with an orchestra? (You would remember the instrument he played; I don't.) You had interviewed with CWU on the phone and had just been in Steve's wedding back in Tacoma. I was flying to Seattle to interview with South for the faculty position. CWU had sent the contract and we were waiting as long as we could to sign to see what would happen with my job. Everything was up in the air. And we were so alive with anxiety and possibility. It's like that now. How is it still like that now?

For the record, I'm driving up to Bellingham Sunday with our friends from college days to spread Ed's ashes at Larabee state park. June 10th would have been the 16th anniversary of when we were together despite our verbal commitment to the contrary. We were sitting on those rocks.  I made a kick ass playlist for the drive up. You'd be proud.

For the record, I know I have evidence that I will get through this with my kids. But, by God, I am amazed I've made it this far.

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