Blue Slate

I took the kids furniture shopping today. When we move, I will have no living room furniture. And while I think it makes a lot of sense to live in a house for a while before buying new furniture, I don't want to live too long in a house with *no* living room furniture.

I looked at four couches before Reese started getting loud and Jack's body language screamed I'M BORED. The saleswoman walked away before I had a chance to really think about anything. I'm getting to the point where it's okay to try formerly solo activities (like grocery or furniture shopping) with the kids without getting absolutely annoyed or perfectly isolated. But, I need to find space to look for couches alone. Like the move itself (which happens in about ONE FREAKIN' MONTH!) I'm beyond overwhelmed and have NO IDEA how it's going to get done.

Luckily, I have a lot of experience in seeing things get done that initially seem impossible (moving across the country with no jobs and a toddler, balancing childcare and teaching, adjusting to single parenting...yada yada yada). It's about breaking down the big jobs into smaller ones. It's also about limiting options. I'm of the camp now where good enough is plenty; I don't have time to spend weeks figuring out the best color. So, I'm going with a decision of color for the living room. Well, a tentative decision: blue slate. I realize that picking a grayish color when I live in the Northwest may seem monotone, but I've always come back to blue. And, I do love the beach. It's my most favorite place to escape to. I will always live near the coast and we always vacation near water. So, I'm taking the colors from there (blue, gray, wood) and bring them inside. From here:

To here:

And, I want a gray couch; it will work well with a blue slate and can be punctuated with color and texture. I think the colors will go with the light oak floor. I don't know I'll use yellow, but I like how it pulls in the oak floors and allows natural wood accents. I do have red as accents in my blue living room now, so I may keep that for awhile. One paint color I will sample is Mountain Laurel (Benjamin Moore) but I think I will need to find a rug before anything else.

There's a good chance blue will be in nearly every room in the house, at least for awhile. I always return to blue; it's been my favorite color since I was a kid and as much as I try other colors, it's the one I am most attracted to. I hope it's not reflective only of the layer of sadness in our family. I think if I find the right blues, they will reflect the richness of possibility true grief brought on by true love brings.

For the Record

For the record, it only took one glass of wine to write the earnest money check for the house. I went to write the check and couldn't. I did need some liquid courage. If for no other reason than I couldn't face the first big step to securing a home of our own- our one place- alone. But, it only took one glass.

For the record, I interviewed with the President and VP of the college on Friday. The one that would make this interim position permanent. (Oh, interim. I am so intimate with interim. In between. Ctrl+Alt+Delete. Reboot.) All I can hear is Ed's voice on the phone when I was so anxious about interviewing for the interim position. The week before. He was so calm, collecting my nerves like butterflies in a net, keeping me safe and free all at once.

For the record, I'm listening to Morrissey while I type. And I hate Morrissey. But, Ed loved him/the band (I don't even know). It will probably be the only time I listen to a full song.

For the record, the 10th anniversary of the Ballard pub crawl is this Friday and there's a chance that Jack's baseball team will be in the championship on Saturday morning. Remember the summer of 2007? We were in Boston and had found a house with that tiny second "bedroom" off the main bedroom? We also found a place to stay for summer in the apartment of that musician and his family while they were in Europe on tour with an orchestra? (You would remember the instrument he played; I don't.) You had interviewed with CWU on the phone and had just been in Steve's wedding back in Tacoma. I was flying to Seattle to interview with South for the faculty position. CWU had sent the contract and we were waiting as long as we could to sign to see what would happen with my job. Everything was up in the air. And we were so alive with anxiety and possibility. It's like that now. How is it still like that now?

For the record, I'm driving up to Bellingham Sunday with our friends from college days to spread Ed's ashes at Larabee state park. June 10th would have been the 16th anniversary of when we were together despite our verbal commitment to the contrary. We were sitting on those rocks.  I made a kick ass playlist for the drive up. You'd be proud.

For the record, I know I have evidence that I will get through this with my kids. But, by God, I am amazed I've made it this far.