Thursday, July 23, 2009

Waiting for Baby

It's not often that one can write with certainty that their life will change dramatically in the next few days. So, I should probably focus on cherishing the fact that I know things will change. And, for the most part, it will be positive (not like losing a job).

I'm in the early stages of labor and will likely have our second child in the next day or two. I put this as a matter of record. I knew the baby would come early (I'm still not convinced of the sex so I'm not using he or she just yet), and had in fact asked the kid to wait for the weekend so Ed & I could get our ducks in a row for our classes. So, assuming things go as planned, I appreciate the good listener hanging out in my uterus, doing all he/she can to help out.

I am not anxious, excited, or anything. I'm dealing with all of this much like anything else big to prepare for - I'm preparing very stoically and practically. Or, more likely, I'm a master of denial. I'm answering emails, writing bills and feeding the cats. I've also tried to keep Jack on my bed to talk with me since it will be a few days before we talk again (and then his entire world will have changed, too), but he's more interested in expelling all the energy a 5 year old has. He's in the living room with Ed playing catch with a Boston College football. I can't believe we did this whole birth thing with him five years ago.

Whenever we go on vacation, Ed & I don't get excited until we are actually headed toward our destination. The travel process is rarely physically painful (traffic is nothing like contractions, the patience waiting has some connection to birth). But, I'm starting to distance myself and wonder when I will get excited- what I will experience with this baby. Will I be plain exhausted like I was immediately after Jack was born, happy to let Ed hold him while I rested, or will my knowledge of the absolute highs and lows of Jack's early months give me some perspective to appreciate this baby more thoroughly, despite the exhaustion?

So, time to put denial aside and start timing those contractions.

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